she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
