Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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