I just pynch a tree in the face
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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