I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
