I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
