Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
