she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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