I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
