took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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