I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
