Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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