I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
