We need to rekindle our bromance
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
