writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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