I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
