dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
