Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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