i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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