I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
