I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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