am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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