I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
