There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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