Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Enjoy the penises
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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