ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
