i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize