This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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