I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
