Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
