he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You ruined the universe
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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