Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
