i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
