Don't make out with my wife yet
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
