apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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