I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
