pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
