When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
