I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
