getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
