dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize