sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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