The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
