my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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