tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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