You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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