First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
