I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
