you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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