I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
