I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He? As in you personified your dick?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
