They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
