My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
