I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
