How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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