I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
