whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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