I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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