She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
