Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
