Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
