i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
