This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
