I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
