I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
