I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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