no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
