Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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