she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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