I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
