You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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